Terrible Loss

I didn't know if I would have the courage to sit down and write this but here I am prepared with plenty of kleenex. As most of you probably already know Matthew and I found out a few weeks ago we were expecting our third child. We have tried for the past several months to get pregnant again and it finally happened. We were ecstatic when we found out we were finally going to complete our family. I went to the doctor and he said I was five weeks and everything looked great. A few days after that appointment I had some spotting and I was scared to death something was wrong. It only lasted a couple of days and was very light but I went back to the doctor the next week to make sure. He did another ultrasound and said everything looked fine and I even got to see the little heartbeat, it was amazing!! He said I didn't appear to be as far a long as he had first thought so he wanted to see me back in a week. I just went back this past Thursday and he did another ultrasound and he gave me some news that absolutely broke my heart. He said the baby hasn't grown any and there is no heartbeat. I felt like the world stopped turning. I don't think I have ever felt so sad and empty in all my life. I had to go Friday for a DNC. I felt like I lost a part of myself that day and there is a hole in my heart that just won't go away. Dr. Cox was wonderful and so compassionate and Matthew has been great taking care of the kids. I know everything happens for a reason and it wasn't Gods plan for me to have that particular baby, but it doesn't make the pain go away. I thank everyone who has prayed for us and who has been thinking about us, it means alot to know people care. I haven't wanted to get out of the house or see anyone, but Matthew finally got me out for a couple hours today. I am so thankful for the two beautiful children I have and it has helped the sadness ease a little being around them. How can I look at them and not be happy. Bailey said " you can try for another baby mom it's okay." And I know he is right but it will take time to heal the pain. He also said " at least you still have me and Avery, that's better than nothing." I said "no Bailey that's better than everything." He has been very sweet about everything and I am glad he understands. The doctor said we could try again in September and he said there is no reason we should have any problems in future pregnancies. We will definitely try again when the time comes, but for now we will try to get over the terrible loss of our unborn baby.